Dear Remos,

I have taken lessons from quite a few instructors in and around the Portland area, as well as taking lessons from you.  Most of the lessons have been group lessons, some free, before an event or dance, and some lessons have been in an organized group setting.  I take regular private instruction from you as well as some of your group classes that I am interested in.  During those lessons you repeatedly tell me not to push, pull, shove, or help the lady do her step.  I am curious about how to get ladies to follow my lead without doing any of the above.  Many times when I lead a step as simple as an underarm turn, the lady I am dancing with does not turn without a push, pull or shove, or at least a verbal warning that I am leading an underarm turn.  Many instructors tell students to do just that.  Everything from pushing the ladies shoulder with one hand while holding the other hand over her head to indicate that I want her to turn, to physically pulling her to the direction I want her to turn.  Another thing I have been instructed to do is “wind the girl up” when leading a turn or spin in Swing.  I always wondered how tight they have to be wound to get them to turn.

Can you give me some pointers on how to lead a lady through a step without pushing, pulling or shoving?

Signed, Chuck Hulse, Vancouver, Washington

Dear Chuck,

I have dealt with this problem for as many years as I have been instructing.  I cannot explain why other teachers of dance instruct or use the methods you have described.  I can only say this :

My extended training began in Chicago working under a coach named Todd Hunter.  He was considered to be one of the best dance directors nationally at the time.  He also trained Vernon Brock and Beverly Donahue who became the United States Latin Champions later on.  Vernon Brock, with another partner, was also the World Theatre Arts Champion — the first American to ever win that title.  My training with Bill and Bobbie Irvine was also during that time.  The Irvines were 13-times International and Latin Champions who retired undefeated and have set the standards of Ballroom Dancing in the world today.  They were my coaches for approximately six years.  Larry and Betty Silvers, 7-time US Latin Champions, coached me for approximately 3 years.  I also worked with Roy Mavors, the instructor for Brigham Young University who took the first formation team to Blackpool and won the World Formation Championships. 

Not one of these world renown instructors and Champions ever once instructed me to push, pull, shove, or physically lead a lady into a dance step, regardless of what level of difficulty the steps were.

The knowledge that was instilled in me by these great Champions and Coaches enabled me to become a National 10-dance Champion.  The techniques and standards that I instruct are still used by the best professional dancers in the world today.  Most of the dance steps used today in professional and amateur dancing are from that same exact material that was used then.  Because, you see, good technique never changes…it only improves. 

The reason I drop all of these names is to establish some credibility for my own techniques.  You know, “No man is a prophet in his own back yard” !!!!!

Just because I left the East Coast does not mean I left my brain or knowledge there.  One great thing about knowledge is that it is with you for a lifetime.  I may be getting older, but let me tell you I am a long way from senile.  These techniques and the reasoning behind them are as valid today as they ever were and there are very specific techniques that all dancers need to learn to facilitate a pleasant experience in either social or competition dancing.

Ladies have a responsibility as well as the gentleman when dancing.  You are not the first man that has asked this question.  As a matter of fact, most male students ask me this question at some time or other.  I find that one of the most blaring misconceptions about what a lead is, stems from being told to place the lady where you want her with a strong lead.  My answer to this is that what you really need to do is lead yourself…many problems will be solved by the man being confident enough to execute a dance step that he has been taught and stay in time with the music while doing it.  Ladies follow by reacting to the leader’s movements.  If an unsure or confused action from the man is executed, chances are the lady will not be sure or will be confused on what her reaction should be, or in which direction she should move. 

All the shoving and pushing in the world will not place the follower in the dance position the leader desires, because the reaction time is just a split second slower, plus the fact that anytime you push or pull the follower you throw them off balance.  It is imperative in any dance that both dancers maintain their balance.  It is impossible when someone is shoving you around to maintain your correct posture and balance.  Swing dancers so many times are totally out of control because they are taught to push, pull, and shove, then add the velocity of their body movement…and you have all of the ingredients for a WWF wrestling match.  Many times dancers dancing Waltz, Foxtrot or Viennese Waltz are totally out of control and become like bowling balls knocking down the pins (students), sometimes even leaving a spare.  It really aggravates me to observe a dance instructor or advanced couple dancing what amounts to an exhibition routine on the social dance floor, with total disregard for other dancers and obvious lack of training in Floor Craft.  A dance should be executed with the ability to stop, move or change direction in a split second to avoid collisions on the floor and to maintain an attractive body position at all times.  This discipline in dance sets the advanced dancers apart from beginner dancers. 

The leader should indicate to the follower the direction to move and should then position their body to facilitate completion of the step by the follower.  In other words, indicate where the follower is to go and then allow them to dance their part.  There are far too many intricacies of leading to cover them all here, but the lead/follow controversy simply put, “If you, as a lead, are instructed to push, pull, shove or place the follow, take the instruction with a grain of salt and look for some dance instruction that shows techniques on how to lead without leading.”  Learn to lead on your own by knowing your dance steps, understanding rhythms and spend more time on your basic steps until you are confident, and you will have eliminated at least 50% of the problem.

Many times women approach me on the dance floor and make this great comment to me :

“So you’re Remos.  Well I have never had a dance lesson in my life but I can follow anyone with a strong lead.”  They say this many times with a very challenging tone to their voice, finishing of course with a request to dance with me.  I am a gentleman so I accept.  I then dance the first 5 basic steps of whatever music is playing, which the lady follows with no effort, and return her to her seat and thank her for the dance.  Many times on the way back to her seat she will say, “See I told you I could follow anything — even with you !!!!!!”

I have had so many students ask me why I didn’t I do a fall-away-slip-pivot-double-reverse turn to a contra-check and leave this type of person choking and breathless.  I told you I was a gentleman and I will not purposely embarrass a woman on the dance floor.  I just write it off to stupidity…ahhhhh, I mean lack of taste and information.  (Let me tell you there are many times I was tempted.)

The follower’s responsibility is to learn their basic patterns, rhythms and the characteristic of any dance they are dancing, so they are familiar enough to react to the leader.  Contrary to what a lot of ladies think, it is not all the man’s responsibility to make their dance experience pleasant and enjoyable just because the man is the leader.  Remember ladies, all you have to do is react to a man’s lead…good, bad or indifferent.  The man’s responsibility is to think about what step he is going to do next, pay attention to the rhythm, direct you, watch other dancers on the floor to avoid collisions and make you feel comfortable by carrying on a pleasant conversation with you.  Now who has the toughest job here?  If you really want to know, change places with this poor guy sometimes.  Maybe you will appreciate him more!!!  On the other hand, guys, give following a try sometime.  You will become more knowledgeable on the requirements of a good leader. 

Dancing is a 50% - 50% proposition.  Everyone must do his or her part.