Dear Reader,

In this issue I would like to discuss a perplexing question, namely, “What does dance etiquette really mean?”

Over the years, from time to time the question of dance etiquette comes up when you are teaching people to dance.  Many articles have been written about dancing in the proper direction, and collisions on the floor, so I am not going to get into that discussion at this time.  Rather, let’s look at some etiquette problems from a man’s point of view and also from a woman’s.  Once you become aware of how the opposite sex views dance etiquette, or the lack of, it might make you think the next time you go dancing.

Just for the sake of our limited discussion (since this is a huge subject) let us look at how many women have told me their experiences of how they are treated on the dance floor.  These are actual quotes from students in my classes :

“Some men signal at me from across the floor with a wave or other hand signal.  I get up and dance because there are usually more women than men at the dance, and I want to dance.  If I don’t put up with this kind of treatment, I feel they will not ask me to dance again.  These same men send me back from the middle of the floor to my seat rather than escorting me back to where I was sitting.  It makes me feel like a piece of hamburger.”

I doubt most men mean to make women feel this way but over the years I have heard this same comment time and time again.

Now guys, be honest with yourself.  If a beautiful, thin, perfect young lady caught your eye and you decided to ask her to dance, would you signal to her from the center of the floor to join you in the next dance?  Then would you walk away from her after the dance, leaving her to walk back to her seat unescorted?  I doubt it very much.  Those are the subtle little things that make women feel like hamburger.  All women should be treated like that young lady.  Remember, it is no reflection on the women you treated badly, it is a reflection on yourself.

“Why do women go to dances if they don’t want to dance when we ask them?”

I am asked that question by men all the time.

A large obstacle for men, both just learning to dance as well as experienced dancers, is overcoming the fear of asking women to dance.  Men are reluctant to ask women to dance because they feel their dance skills are not up to par with the women they are interested in dancing with.  Other times they are concerned with being turned down after they have walked across the dance floor, in sight of everyone, to ask a lady to dance.  No one likes rejection.

Men should learn 3 to 5 patterns that they can execute with confidence.  Learn to keep time to the music, since that is one of the most important skills you will need.  This can be accomplished in group dance classes in a very short period of time, without any major expense.  Women prefer to dance with a dancer that is confident in his execution of dance steps, even if only three patterns, than they are dancing with someone that knows 50 turns and patterns but cannot execute leads properly or keep time to the music.  Even though you may be a beginner, women will enjoy dancing with you while you develop more advanced skills.

One of my lady students told me about a dance rule she was taught by her mother.  I thought this was a simple solution to a major problem faced by men and women.  This is the rule :

When a man walks across the dance floor to ask you to dance for the first time, do not turn him down and embarrass him.  If you prefer not dance with him again, tell him so during that dance.  This will prevent him from asking you again.  If he chooses to persist after you have told him you do not want to dance with him, he deserves to be turned down with everyone watching.  Ladies, be honest about why you don’t want to dance with him again but be diplomatic.  There may be many reasons for not wanting to dance with him again, but there are diplomatic ways to let him know them.  You may be doing him a favor telling him something he may not be aware of. 

Here are some examples :

Problem: He does not know how to dance.  Solution: Tell him were to get information about some inexpensive group classes to get his dance skills up to a level that is acceptable.

Problem: Intoxication.  Solution: Tell him that you realize he is not at his best this evening and you prefer not to dance with him again, do not accuse him of being drunk even though that may be the case.

Problem: Body odor.  Solution: Tell him you are sorry but you find his body odor offensive and he ought to bathe and use deodorant before coming to a dance, since you are in very close positions when dancing.  Do this quietly so that he is the only one that hears your advice.  This problem also applies to women.  Alcohol, body odor, bad breath and overpowering perfumes are as offensive to men as they are to women.

Ladies, remember, just because you are at a dance does not mean you must dance with everyone who asks.  But the man you really wanted to dance with may be watching you turn down everyone, waiting to ask you himself, and he may never muster the nerve to ask.  Not only is the man asking for a dance on display, but so is the lady being asked.

A smile and a friendly attitude go a long ways at a dance…this applies to both men and women.  People go to a dance to have a good time.  Be receptive to a friendly invitation to dance.  Make a newcomer at a dance feel welcome.  Most dancers are nice, friendly, fun people to be around.  Be a good ambassador for the dance world.  Today in our society we need good clean social events to attend…not to mention, dancing is a great way to get your exercise.