Dear Coach,

The other night I attended a ballroom dance and was asked to dance by a gentleman.  The band was playing a Waltz and he proceeded to try to lead me into a Foxtrot step.  I stumbled over his feet and he over mine and finally he asked me if there was something wrong.  I tried to be as diplomatic as possible but told him I found it very difficult to do a Fo trot step to a Waltz.  He of course was a bit uncomfortable but said, “ Oh…is this a Waltz?” and proceeded to change to a Waltz step.  This worked much better but I was still finding it a bit difficult to follow him because he was not dancing on rhythm.  Again, he realized I was a bit uncomfortable and proceeded to teach me a few of the steps he was trying to do.  I felt quite uncomfortable because people were watching me get my free dance lesson.

Can you explain to me why a dancer who does not know the difference between a Foxtrot and a Waltz would attempt to teach someone else to dance?  This person was obviously a beginner dancer that was having trouble keeping time to the music or even telling the difference between the two dances.

I am a dance instructor but do not give lessons in the middle of the floor in full view of all of the other dancers.

Signed S, Portland, Oregon

Dear S,

To answer your question I can only guess what the motivation for inexperienced dancers to try to teach another person to dance, but here are a few possibilities :

• Maybe this person has always admired dance instructors and dreamed of becoming one.  I guess you could call this person a wanna-be dance instructor who finally met someone he assumes knows less about dancing than himself.
• This person may have found you attractive and thought it would be a way to impress you and endear himself to you.  After all, most dance lessons are not free.
• Some men like the ego boost derived from knowing more than a woman.  After all how many times in a guy’s life does that opportunity come along?
• Maybe this guy loves being the center of attraction and it sounds like he figured out a way to get it.  So what if it is embarrassing to you? …maybe it is worth it to him.
• Maybe he plans on starting a dance school and was just giving you some of his free advertising.

Now, I have a question for you.  Did you ever let him know you are a dance instructor?  Or did you just let him go on and on making a fool out of himself?  Probably one of the reasons everyone was watching was because many of the other dancers knew you were a dance instructor and got a kick out of watching you take a dance lesson.

Seriously, many women and men have expressed this complaint to me (most are not dance instructors though).  There are many group classes around to take every kind of dance lesson you can imagine.  They are very inexpensive and you can pick up the steps, learn the rhythms and begin dancing in a short period of time.  The middle of a dance floor at a dance is not the place to take or give dance lessons.  Dance studios and dance classes are places to learn to dance.  Everyone is there to learn to dance and no one should feel like they are the center of attention even if they have trouble catching on.